How does this crap keep happening to me?

You asked for it.

I was not gonna write this as I simply thought it a bit unnecessary but as it continued I couldn't laugh quietly and tears were rolling down my face............ here it go:

Once upon a time there was a girl who loved pita bread! She became a lucky girl one day when she drove by a new restaurant in her town called The Pita Pit. Yummmmmmy! Delish and healthy..... that is where I want to eat.

So she convinced her husband to try it ,and asked her friends if any of them had. Only one had and she said there was soooo much mustard on it that it was gross..... But this lucky little girl tried it anyway.

O K long story short(er) they did eat there but the sandwiches were less then great. For 2 pitas, 1 bag of chips and a smoothie.... it came to over $22.00....... UGH! Ok- whatever. Not a problem.......yum yum yum eat eat eat. um, um, um......why is my stomach talking to me? I was still hungry. We were both still hungry. (This is a quote from a letter later sent) We are not all you can eat folk. We should NOT still be hungry. But we are. I decide to let my friends know of my experience and the more I thought about it....... I let the mgr know as well. Actually what I did was send them a two page fax including a print out copy of what I sent my friends and a cover page with a little more detail.

I am expecting a phone call and am just not getting it.....ok, maybe there is no mgr on duty right now...... but BAM I get an email. This dude not only calls me out on my sarcasm but he proceeds to email my friends as their email addresses were on the print out. I would never have thought to do that!!!! Anyway he pretty much tells me stuff happens and from business owner to business owner surely I understand that. THAT wasn't the issue. I wasn't looking for anything free. I wasn't looking for anything other than just to let them know OUR experience. THAT'S IT.

I get an email from one of my friends who tells me she almost replied to me but then realized he would get a copy THIS IS WHEN I REALIZE WHO EXACTLY HE EMAILED. So, I email him back, once again explaining that I do understand as stuff happens blah blah blah.....

Girlfriend #2 emails him a short scathing note about how she didn't appreciate getting an email from him........ Girlfriend #3 is flabbergasted that he now has her email address.......all the while exposing our not so nice nicknames for one another.....

This goes on for a while and we are going back & forth (my friends and I) but in a few of them we cc all and I think he was getting some of out correspondence between ourselves......

So at this point I am a bit embarrassed. Tears are rolling down my face from laughing so hard. I cant laugh quiet any longer and am making noises like I should be beaker form the Muppet's or something... AHHHHHHH my cheeks hurt.

Anyway, now that the nonsense has settled, and I do realize I am a business owner in the same town that he is um, I am a bit embarrassed. Who said free pitas free pitas? I thin it is a quote by the queen of the dorks. Free mustard samiches for everyone!!!! wooohoooooooo

And to think, I didn't have a blog topic this morning...........

oh well-till next time

xoxo

-M

I am sorry....WHAT just happened?

So there are two couples in a bar minding their own business on Saturday night. Eating, talking, sharing and just keeping to their own....(well, for the most part. One may have said that she was a reporter for a local magazine and that was why she was snapping all the pictures.) That is 100% beside the point however.

Anyway, as the night progresses, the two couples have a few drinks, and are really into their surroundings. A bunch of people are showing up all dressed up and these few were a bit more casually dressed. There is no further point that will be made about the clothing and attire, so I don't know why I even wrote that. The one lady however, sitting with her back to the bar, the crowd and to the entire establishment, is the one this tale of WHOA! is about.

Ok- I will admit, The lady reporter sitting like this is me. Little ol' me.

If you were a person on the west side of the building, you would have to pass me to go to the bathroom, the dance floor, the exit- whatever. And there was this guy who traveled that direction (and back I think) a few too many times that night. He walked by to go...... well to the other side of me and was swinging his arms a bit much. He makes it from one side of me to the other when WHOA!!! My friends husband looks at me and says "did you just get felt up?" my answer...."Um, yeah I think I did....."

This happened a total of 3 times by that one guy that night. I don't know if he was even cute as I was really a bit more concentrated on looking shocked.

I cant even say that I liked it. He was such a slyyyy guy! sneaky sneaky!

Um, pickup line tip: guys- if this is your weapon of choice to get a girl to notice you- it didn't work. If it was a cheap way to thrill yourself..."Lets see how many times I can touch her boobs." Come on- how old are we? NOT the best way to gain attention.

Aw hell- I got a great blog idea out of it and WOW will my article be a winner. So when you see this story in your local magazine you will know it was me. It is a good thing I don't remember getting HIS picture that night.

Til next time (hands to yourself)

XO XO

-m

what IS beauty?

Some would say a perfect face. Some would say a perfect body. Some would say a perfect sun scape. A beautiful landscape, great architecture, a nice smile,silence in the middle of a hectic day, a mickey d's after a long diet......There are far too many sides to that coin. So I asked a few people for their responses......

One response was simply stated as "grace" so I looked that up for a better understanding. As per wikepedia:

1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.
2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.
3. A sense of fitness or propriety.
4.
a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.
b. Mercy; clemency.
5. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.
6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.
7. Graces Greek & Roman Mythology Three sister goddesses, known in Greek mythology as Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia, who dispense charm and beauty.
8.
a. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.
b. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
c. An excellence or power granted by God.
9. A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or after a meal.
10. Grace Used with His, Her, or Your as a title and form of address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop.
11. Music An appoggiatura, trill, or other musical ornanment in the music of 16th and 17th century England.

Another response I got was Blonde. I don't need to look that word up. Allow your imagination to do what it will.

Farrah Fawcett in her 20's

The way a womans legs give proper length to their body

And sunrises, sunsets, blue skys and billowy white clouds.

My response: well,to me the following link is beauty in its rarest .......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDQ04uHn9nE as in MY opinion there is nothing more beautiful than a well written song. A story that moves you so much that you are part of it. Every time I hear this song, I have to stop what I am doing- close my eyes and FEEL it. I am very musical and to me that is beauty. Few songs move me quite that way. And when one does, I love it. Some of you may not agree with that and you are entitled to that opinion. I heard this song twice today so I knew I had to write this........ I was "MOVED" to do so.

In any case- no matter what beauty is to you, have it in your life. Every chance you get to be around it do so. You will be that much better for it.

till next time

XOXO

-M

ps (this is so funny I had to add it on...) All the women I asked answered teh question no problem. the men ALL asked if it was a trick question..... go figure.

UGH

I own my own store. I employ people. I had one girl who worked for me who was the most accidental person. The sort of things that happened to her never surprised me but ONLY could happen to her. One time she brushed her teeth with baby lotion (cuz she picked up the wrong tube). One time she got lost going home (because the city had a detour set up). Her car is the sort of car she has to hot wire every once in a while.......

You KNOW this person. Each one of us has one juuuuust like her in our lives. She was mine..... I felt for her and was amused all at the same time. Until she left.............. Now I am sooooooo that person.

I don't want to be that person.

I don't do stupid stuff like the above list. Nah- I just hurt myself every day in one way or another- AND let me add, quite stupidly!!! Proof? Here we go:

The other day at work I was working on a box (explained below) printing off copies..... multiple copies. Which take a lot of toner. Which tends to stink. (especially in a closed in area such as my office). Visualize this please after about 2 hours of constant printing . The STENCH that was fumigating through out my office. Headache building right about now...... One of the sheets had a lot of errors on it. I grab my white out and start covering all of the errors with a lot of white out. Headache getting worse right about now....... We have a file box that we keep paperwork in for this office at another office. I have this box with me (hence the copying and fixing) but the person who works in the other office WITH this box of papers smokes in this office. UGH! I open the box......smoke stench gets out into my office...HEADACHE GETTING EVEN WORSE......... I go to the kitchen , grab the oust and oust the papers in the box....HEADACHE GETTING WORSE. I have to make copies of the paper I used all the white out on now that it had all dried up.... (so I thought. ) There was one spot, a rather large spot, that hadn't dried and when I took the paper out of the copier there was white out all over it. LUCKY ME! I get to go get the nail polish remover and clean it off. HEADACHE IS AT THE ALL TIME WORST RIGHT ABOUT HERE.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Why didn't I just take some aspirin? Why didn't I turn on a fan? Why didn't I leave the room for a while? I know right! DUH!!!! Can anyone say STUPID!??!!! UGH!

Skipping ahead to today...... I had been housing the store birds at a different location as we had pest control come spray for bugs...blah blah blah. Fast forward to today. The day I bring them home. I cage them all up, bring them in, release them from the carrier cages back into their own cages and walk the carriers out back to be hosed down and washed. Yada yada yada....I complete this task and so obviously have to come in to start my day. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that where the hose is out back is rather , um, MUDDY! I wipe my feet- one, two. Good to go........ I pass the threshold and step on to the bare tile and VIOLA I am upside down, side ways and ON MY BUTT!!!!

$%#@$*&^%@%#&$#&%!#@%^*$%&*!^&*)!%@$%^#@&%$#@&!@%&^!#r%(&#$&^#$(@^!#(@^#%@^#%*&@!#^&!@$%&!@#!#%&*!$%&!^$%!#%#^$!

Ok- I so obviously did NOT wipe my feet off really well now did I? UGH

There are so many other case in points but that would simply take away other possible blogs and just simply make you, my reader think "who the hell is this girl that she is just so stupid?" Well, let me answer that right now before we go any further..... I am the NEWLY crowned QUEEN OF THE IDIOTS!!! (not be confused with the recently crowned queen of dorks-she IS all together someone else)

Ok- there it is....today's confessional of pain. I am learning that my pain amuses yall, and I guess I can say thank you for that? I am happy to share....... If you cant laugh at yourself........... well, hell you should- cuz someone else will!!

till next time

XO XO

-M

Todays Inner bitch thought

"If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have gotten anywhere" -Marilyn Monroe

Ok, so I like to quote people. But that only shows that others have gone through whatever you go through. On a day to day we go through our lives, paying attention to the rules set forth for us and hoping we don't offend anyone. Let me ask you though- what good is that? Now don't get me wrong, I am an avid rule follower. I am speaking 100% out of experience. I have lived out of fear my entire life and its sort of inhibiting.

Marilyn Monroe has left SUCH a legacy she will NEVER be forgotten. Let me ask you, whats your legacy?

There comes a time in everyones life where they are at that crossroads. And either you happily go down one direction by choice, or you sell your soul to the devil to go another direction. Eventually learning it may not have the everlasting effect you wish it did. Either way, we as a race are never happy with what we have. We are never happy with our choices or their outcomes. The grass is always greener on the other side??

Why does it have to be like that though? We can be what we choose to be. We are our own destiny. We write our own pages....... of our own story. Although it is predetermined by the higher up- the choices are there for us to make. Why can't they make us happy? Why is settling for what will just make us happy be good enough.

Why are we always trying to do better? Let today be a turning point. Let it be a new day. Enjoy who you are, where you are and what you are. And if you can't do that-may I suggest you find what will make it possible.

XOXO

til next time

-M

YOU ARE A STAR!!!!!

I am flipping channels last night on the TV as my normal shows are not on because the president was addressing the union again. I watched a bit of it but got bored by the repetition of his comments.... I was getting frustrated. SO, I start flipping channels and I land on this show hosted by Ru Paul- queen bee extraordinaire... Sort of a drag queens next top model named "Ru Pauls Drag Race" where she was looking to crown the next big drag queen. Never seen the show before- didn't know it existed. But couldn't turn the channel.

They amuse me so.

I like to be entertained and drag queens so do that to me..... And what makes it worse is how do those MEN get to lookin so much more glamorous and beautiful than most women????? Its absolutly outrageous!

Anyway, the episode I watched was the season finale...she crowned the next Queen and the credits rolled. BUT- I hung around a bit longer and they did a bring the cast back in to confront one another show............. WOW can those men cry!!! It actually was a bit amazing. One of the queens was telling the judges that she was made to feel like a loser EVERY time she walked on stage. RuPaul quickly jumped to the defense of the judges by simply saying "This is TV honey. There has to be ups and downs! If you walked away feeling badly about yourself its because you allowed it to be. Your a contestant, these are judges. The fact of the matter is, YOU forgot you are wonderful. YOU DID."

Wow.

I must say I was actually taken back by her words...... so blatent and open to the fact that you can't give a damn about what other people think. You can't waste your time worried about how other people perceive you. If you are comfortable in your own skin, that is all that matters. You take what they say as an issue THEY have and let it roll of your backs. Or in the words of Ru Paul "Bring it on Bitches!!!"

There you have it.

Inner bitch fashion tip : If you entering a drag race- make sure you tuck properly....... no one wants to see a gorgeous girl "packing"

Til next time

XO XO

-M

I can't believe I forgot this!!!!

Ok- so the last few blogs have been real information and not just silliness. That is because nothing wonderful has happened that was worth writing about. (Or we will say I made myself forget....until my darling Penny reminded me of it)

We go to yoga last Saturday at the Sebastian ashram. You must remove your shoes before entering and you MUST be quiet to "focus on your breath" and such...... Ok..... I can do that. I don't have a yoga mat of my own YET, so I borrowed one of theirs. No big. We are doing bridge and mad cat and all sorts of wonderful moves. It is going great. The teacher then states, "we are now to roll over on our belly's and corpse lay" From there we did some sit in a 90 degree angle with our faces pressed to the earth and our hands extended outwards from our bodies....... The position is fine... I can't stop thinking to myself though "UGH I have got to get my own mat. This mat smells like FEET."

And it DID. I was once again holding in my gags. Press your face to the earth on a mat that smells like feet and relax? Um, I don't think so................concentrate on your breath and your nostrils.......we will say that was NOT hard to do. Even if she had not said for us to, there was nothing else I could do.

I get home and am talking to Lance about the class and he so lovingly says to me "Michelle, please take a shower, you smell like feet."
I just LOVE my husband.
Alright- I have to wash my face again. Just the thoughts of that are making me sick.....
until next time

xo xo
-m