Take heed, take care

Todays inner bitch message reads: REMINDER- taking care of yourself first is not selfish, it's neccessary.

Why do you think they make you put your air mask on first on a plane?

Same principle applies to self maintainence. My husband has NO quarrels about me taking a day to go get my hair did, or my nails did, or even to get a massage. He knows that when I am feeling pretty, I act differently. It is ok to buy a new pair of shoes or a shirt, or any of the above when your feeling down because there is something to be said about matching your innerds to your outerds.

Yesterday my friends and I were divvying up the characters in Sex and the City amongst each of us and I for some weird reason got stuck being Carrie.......... (There are farrrr worse characters so I tended to stay quiet and do the fist to the air tuck YES silently) I like to think it was solely due to my creative writing abilities................

I was then also called a diva. Ok- so we are saying that I am a vain bitch diva who would not appear in the cast of survivor for the fear of breaking a nail, but I love to work with my hands and build stuff............ or fix stuff. Hmmmmm............. I grew up as a tomboy having only brothers so there is something to be said about my inner strength that I accumulated from that! Never the less, I am a girl. I ..... (oh crap theres that song again . wait- hold on -------hold it in , hold it back....nope can't.......do........ it...........................).ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Oh my goodness. Where DID that come from? Sorry!!!

Anyway- my point is, whether its taking a bath at night with scented candles and a good book. Whethers its splurging with the $25.00 in your wallet you should be paying the water bill with, whether its simply walking on the beach and taking in the glory God has givin you to see......... take time for yourself. Take heed of your surroundings. Take heed of your needs. And take care of yourself. This bitch does!!!!

XO XO

M OUT

***** michelle is in no way condoning the use of bill money to be spent unwisely ALL the time. This is in no way a connection to her thoughts, beliefs or actions.......... her point is simply TO TAKE CARE!!!! you'll be the better for it. A transcript of this message is available at 1800-i am sexy for only the low low cost os $1,235,352.24 per disc......

AHHHH GRASSHOPPER!!!

A wise woman once said to me to dream of the person you would like to be is a waste of the person you are......

Another wise woman once said to me to love yourself first and everything else will follow..........

It is almost spring. The time of year when birds are chirping, butterflies are fluttering around and kids are out to play as the life on the earth just seems to get better with every passing day. Dont allow yourself to be victim of these economic times. Things are hard yes, but there is sooooo much to be thankful for. Poor human race- we are flat out being told to slow down and make life more simple. Don't beat yourself up for the things you cant have but enjoy what you do have.

-M

product review

It is a Sunday afternoon and I see an infomercial for Natural Advantage skin care system. I am not usually one to fall for infomercials, but this was a 5 piece anti aging total skin care set for less then $30.00......

Hell, I would spend that alone at the Clarins counter on one item so I figured I would give it a shot!!

I have now been using this product religiously as instructed for going on 3 weeks..........

Ok- how do I put this? My skin looks good,but it feels as though there is a fire UNDER the skin 24/7 whether theres make up on it or not

Especially around the eyes......(Yeah I know-NIIIIIIIICE!!)

So I call them and tell them I need to return the unused portion

for a full refund and to cancel my account. The person on the other side (a guy no less) proceeds to tell me that a burning sensation is normal due to the retinol in it. It takes between 6-8 weeks to go away. UM, not on MY face, near my eyes? Then the guy proceeds to

ask me "Is there any part of the system that is working for you?" I was like, "Um, well considering it is a 5 piece set that is used simultaneously every day- how do you determine which is working for you? I would like to return the unused portion for a full refund and cancel my account." He replies "Ok maam, I can offer you a 10% discount if you keep the items" I was thinking to myself why would I have called to tell them it was too strong for my skin, that I didnt like it and want to return it if I want to keep it?

I repeat "I would like to return the unused portion for a refund and cancel my account." He tells me next that I can recve a huge savings if I buy the mutli vitamin on sale today only for $1.98 when it is normally $21.99, Or that they are offering a great special on the clay mask TODAY ONLY! All I said back to him in my calmest of calm voices is "Sir, please listen to me. I dont like the product and your trying to upsell me on a return. I am sure the product is great for some women. I just dont happen to be one of them. I don't like the product- it's too harsh for my skin. I dont know what pieces do or dont work for me, I dont want to buy anything else at a discounted rate. I want to return the unused portion for a refund, and cancel my account PLEASE!"

Why was that so hard? Even as a consumer, we can't simply get what we WANT without the pushyness of having to have something else.............So, I have it here with me today, and I am sending it back....... I am not saying its not a great product. I can't even say I didn't like it. It simply doesn't work for me. But at that price, it was worth the shot!!!!!!

Till next time

xo xo

-M

I don't have to be right....... but I am! (and so are you)

My girlfriends and I tend to use the word beautiful to describe one another when we greet each other from time to time.

My girlfriends and I have a habit of sending out a "song of the day" every day. Usually something to keep spirits lifted, or change a mood all together.

Todays song of choice is Good Morning Beautiful.
Penny sends it to me claiming " I LOVE TIM MCGRAW" while all the while I heard Blake Shelton in my head. I pass the comment on to my other posse and Kristi comes back "I thought that was Steve Holy"

At this point I go up on line and start looking it up. All three of them (among others) have in fact done this song. What I think is funny though, is that we all knew the SONG but each of us by a different artist..............It is the most beautifully written song. Any woman would melt if someone ever said the words of it to them : Good morning beautiful How was your night Mine was wonderful With you by my side And when I open my eyes And see your sweet face It's a good morning beautiful day.........................................

Ahhhhhhhhhh. So not only is it a beautiful song, but it is so much better when being repeated by a good looking piece of eye candy!!!!! Why though, do we not have such a song to reply with.................. MY HUMPS MY HUMPS MY LOVELY LADY HUMPS....... no that wouldnt be it, COME TO MY WINDOW, CRAWL INSIDE WAIT BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON ............ no. Once again I must fall back to Olivia Newton John..........I love you I honestly love you I honestly love you. (don't ask- it just fits)

What better way then to be simple about it........... ? So, for all the world to see---- Lance, I am calling you out just to say I love you I honestly love you I honestly love you......

Til next time

-smooches xo xo

Why does Betsy Ross come to mind?

Todays inner bitch message is : Dress up like your favorite historical bitch and make some noise. Um- NO! When I read that I instantly thought Betsy Ross. (Don"t know why) but WHY? WHY Betsy Ross? Next in line of mind is Joan of Arc- There, THERE RIGHT THERE is a historical bitch of merrit. I gotta say I would probably have been her in a past life. Martarism and all!!!

Wait-, then theres Marie Antoinette who was tried, convicted of treason and executed by guillotine on 16 October 1793. And Queen Elizabeth a short-tempered, sometimes indecisive ruler, who enjoyed more than her share of luck. Towards the end of her reign, a series of economic and military problems weakened her popularity to the point where many of her subjects were relieved at her death.

But what about the ones people dont really know about:Alice Paul (1885-1977) - The woman who rescued the woman suffrage movement (1910) and made sure women got the vote. Maria Mitchell (1818-1889) - Astronomer and professor at Vassar College. First female member of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. Sojourner Truth (Isabella Baumfree) (1797-1883) - African-American abolitionist, Civil War nurse, suffragette. Mae West (1892-1980) First to earn a million dollars in the movie business.

Among so many others, these ladies have done soooo much for women in todays america. So the point I am trying to make is - a great friend of mine replied to this in such a way that I loved. She said that she was her own favorite american bitch! So, there you have it! be your own best friend and everything else will follow. Great words of advise from a great woman!! I am glad I know her!

Inner peace and relaxation.........topped off with some snoring!!!

My girlfriend Penny and I went to an ashram yesterday for some simple yoga and meditation. It was a 3 hour class called "dancing with the breath". We both were a bit confused as to what exactly we were gonna do for 3 hours........ but let me tell you, the time flew by and we were amazed.

You see, she has been looking for a sense of spirituality. There is a huge difference between religion and spirituality. Yesterday proved that to me. I decided I needed to go, as the class stated it would show you how to handle EVERY aspect of EVERY day through proper breathing.

Did you know that an average person uses only 20-35% of their lung capacity when breathing. Most people hold their breath quite regularly for whatever reason. Yesterdays workshop was to show us how to be aware of our breathing patterns and to see how much different we felt at the end compared to the beginning. True it was!!! VERY true!

I have always used my diaphram when breathing since I sing, but Penny was getting light headed.......... The little Italian man who was teaching the class said it was because her system is used to housing more carbon dioxide (which is the toxin that is released, when you breath out) and not enough oxygen (which is brought in as you breath in).

In finding your own spiritual place, you need to learn to be still. As I have said before, and no matter who your praying to. BE STILL. I never understood how to do that without my mind taking over............. I do now though.

We did these Tai Chi breathing moves that honestly just felt good to do. (Once again I will refer to a movie.......OK- So I watch a lot of T.V. !!! ) The movie Roadhouse with Patrick Swayze........ One morning he wakes up early and you see him in the sun rise light, next to a lake, doing these "martial arts " moves. After yesterdays class I have recently deducted that he was breathing to start the day.

I honestly am amazed at how relaxed I was.........We spent the last hour on our backs, eyes closed, invisioning our breath working its way through our body. If you SEE it moving you can actually FEEL it. But my mind wandered a bit when the person to the left of me started snoring. And then yet another person somewhere near the front of the classroom started snoring...... And then another a little more close to me......It was like an epidemic of nasal sound!!!

When we all "woke up" and started moving again, I could honestly feel myself weigh about 10 pounds lighter........like I was floating on a cloud...........

If you have ever wondered about yoga breathing and proper techniques, take a class somewhere- IT WAS AMAZING!!!!

thats it for now....

-M

The drunken food critic

Ok, so last night my hubby & I went down town on our own 1 "date night" to get some dinner. (Desert would come later if I can get the batteries from someone who has them charging- and I am NOT pointing fingers-BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!)

Anyway, we ended up at a place called Matts Casbah.

We sit down and start looking at the menu options........ Appetizer: One Tuna Tostada. I honestly thought I was walking through the pearly gates it was so good. I had the same reaction that Bill Murray did in the movie "What About Bob" when he was invited to stay at his therapists house for dinner and with every bite he would go "MMMMMMMMMMMMM" or "AHHHHHHHH" "WOW" You know, it seemed like a very erotic pleasure the way he was reacting. THAT is how I felt with that tostada. Imagine if you will, a light corn round topped with seared tuna, avocado, tomatos, cilantro and some mango mayo sauce......... It was sooooooooo delish!!!!!! (thank you Kris for teching me how to enjoy my food, and thank you the realization that smoking causes cancer for making me quit smoking so that I now CAN taste it and enjoy it!!)

I ordered to drink a glass of red wine. (The new meal plan I am on states you should have a glass of red wine every night with dinner as it helps prevent heart disease-the #1 killer in women) SO I DID. I dont know what kind of wine it was, but the one glass I had left me feeling it!!!! Back to my story. I am drinking my wine and enjoying the basket of pita bread and my tostada and awaited my main course. A lime chile covered garlic roasted pompano whole fish. Did you catch that? Cause I surely didn't..... I ordered a WHOLE FISH. heeeeeee heeeeeeeeee

The waiter brings us our food and I swear he placed an entire serving platter in front of me....... I asked him if he really could have found a bigger dish becasue it was just too small. Hee giggled, I giggled,,,,,,,,, I thought it was an ingenius comment to make at that point. Now looking back I am thinking it was the wine talking........... I looked down at my dinner and wanted to cry. (see figure A posted above)

I am staring down this fish. Head. Tail. Fins. The whole friggin fish. I honestly did not know how to eat it....... I take my fork and just start ripping through it. It too I must say was excellent. My husband wont eat fish and HE liked it. OK- so I am done with side one and look at Lance "Do I flip it over on this plate by its tail? I really don't know how to eat it." He looks at me, looks at the fish and simply replies "GO FOR IT."

off point for a second- sometimes, don't you LOVE to be underdressed. To play a role of the backwoods no class person that everyone looks at while their eating, in disgust. The girl who laughs the loudest and always wears jeans? YUP THAT WAS US!!!! It was a trip!!!!

So, I flip this fish over and begin scraping away at side two......... MMMMMMMM just as good as side one. The combo of the lime, and the garlic on such a mild.....eck....eckkk..... blech...eck eck I start gaging. Literally GAGGING. I thought I was gonna throw up right there at the table........ There was a hair bone floating around in my mouth that i couldnt find....... You know that feeling when theres a hair in your mouth you just cant get to....it makes you gag.... YUP. NOT only are we in jeans and laughing loudly at our on little conversation- i spit this bite of fish out into my napkin, take it out of the napkin and pile it under the head of the fish like his very own little self pillow...... I sure hope he appreciated it.

I even named him Ted. Before I ate I thanked ted for dying for me. And let him know it was much appreciated!!!!!

So there you go, my review of last nights dinner. Hair bone details and all.........

till next time

xo xo

M OUT